Basically, Mom

Where should I start? Hmm, it’s actually been a while since I last blogged. I used to write poetry in one of my previous blogs. And the other one was just me ranting about my young adult life. When I read my old posts, I felt embarrassed, and a little sad. I was so insecure back then. I kept saying I didn’t care what other people thought, but actually I did. I just never let it show.

Being a mom turned my life upside down. It’s not that I always feel good about myself or feel like I’m enough. Of course the negative feelings are still there, and there are moments that bring me down. Pre-mom era, I didn’t need to think about whether my choices affected anyone but me. I didn’t need to decide for anyone else. But that version of me feels like a different person now.

Being a mom taught me resilience. No matter how hard and unfair life gets, it’s not easy, and it’s not fair to simply give up. Being resilient as a mom means facing whatever challenge is in front of me. It’s not about asking why, but how. How do I get through this? I think about the consequences, I weigh my options. Yes, a little overthinking can actually do you good sometimes. And in order to take care of my family, I have to take care of myself first. It’s not an easy thing, and I’m still trying – to prioritize myself over anyone else. Whenever I feel guilty for not being able to be there or give my best, I remind myself… we moms are human. We are not perfect. If things go wrong, there is hikmah in it. Believe in good things, and good things will find their way to you. No matter how small.

Being a mom showed me that I am capable. And I am so so proud of myself. That’s why it’s hard to believe I used to be that insecure. I am capable of raising a little human. I am capable of handling a life crisis while heavily pregnant. I am capable of juggling deadlines and maintaining my milk supply. I am capable of providing the things that make my little girl smile.

And that version of me? She earned it.